Releasing Hate and Unforgiveness: Is It Even Possible?

 

I walked up onto the porch and opened the screen door. Even though it was a hot June day, it was cold inside. Not like air conditioning cold, but eerily quiet-cold, despite the fact that my two young daughters were chasing each other around the kitchen. My husbands’ eyes met mine for a brief second then my gaze traveled down the hall to notice both my mother and father-in-law, one looking at my daughter, the other looking out the window. The avoidance of eye contact seemed weird.

“I asked them to come over to watch the girls,” my husband said.
He took my hand and pulled me into the living room.
It was during those two long painful minutes that my husband told me of a random robbery in Atlanta, Georgia, where my father had been murdered.

That was 27 years ago.

My moaning and wailing is still fresh in my memory. As is my husband’s crying.

Weeks passed.
I gave birth to a baby—a boy who would never know his grandfather.
I remember the spiritual struggle.

One fall morning I arose early before the children were awake or the sun was up.
My normal habit—reading my Bible and talking to God in my dimly lit kitchen. But what happened next took me by surprise.

“I don’t hate anyone!” I defended.
“I strongly dislike!” I clarified.

God’s presence filled my kitchen, casting light in the darkness.
He knew my broken heart.
He was well aware of my personal conflict.

Tears puddled upon my Bible as I continued to read: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7).

“Okay, it’s true. I don’t love. Maybe …. hate. But he deserves to be hated for taking my father’s life,” I justified.

Despite the tears “If you love Me, keep My commandments,” came into view from the pages of my Bible.
John 14:15 was clear. I had a big problem.

“I do love You, God,” I cried.

Loving God means obeying Him. And that means loving people — even the ones who do evil and commit great atrocities.

Could IForgive? Is dumping my hateful attitude possible?

For the believer, there is power to overcome all sin. Second Peter 1:3 tells us, “By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life.”

Yes. Releasing hate and unforgiveness—or embracing love and forgiveness—is possible.

This wasn’t about another person or God’s justice. God does not overlook evil. He will avenge.
This was about God’s love for me.
God knows that hate is a toxic emotion and unforgiveness is bondage. For the sake of our mental and spiritual health, I had to diffuse it.

But how?
I mean, Love?
Not wishing harm.
Not rejoicing when someone suffers pain or misfortune.

That morning on my kitchen floor I asked God to forgive me. And every morning after, I pleaded with God for His help. If I were going to obey His command, He would have to help me.

Days turned into weeks. I was relentless and persistent. I sought His help every day.

Then one day when the time was right and my heart was ready to understand, God directed me to Ephesians 6:12: “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

God opened my eyes, and I began to see.

Not against flesh.
But evil forces.
Satan. He is the cause of every evil thing, including the motivation of the man who pulled the trigger.

What could I do?
Transfer my hate to Satan — where it belonged.

I wasn’t free of hate and unforgiveness over night, but my hateful thoughts became less frequent, and over time the hate dissolved completely, and forgiveness naturally followed.

There is no evidence that God changed the murderer’s heart.
But God changed me. And obedience to God has blessed me.
He will do the same for you.